(COLORADO SPRINGS) — In Sandra L. Brown’s 2014 “How to Spot a Dangerous Man,” she details violence as a progression.

Writing on page 152, “Very few relationships start with a smack on date number one. If they did, men would rarely get a date number two… Violence in a relationship occurs once a relationship has developed; it begins as a progression…”

Abby Ellington knows that reality all too well, offering her story to FOX21 as a sign of hope to others enduring abuse. “It didn’t start out as violence, did it?” Abby was asked. “No.. it started out great… The first couple of years were great.” She said. “Then it slid into verbal abuse.. slowly, but surely, it escalated.”

“It happens so gradually that you get used to it,” she continued. “It’s like a frog in a pot of hot water. You don’t realize you’re boiling to death until you’re right there.”

For Abby, help was a call to TESSA of Colorado Springs, a safe house and resource center for domestic violence victims.

Bri Bebow, the Safe House Program Manager for TESSA, details the cycle of abuse, which is key to understanding and recognizing.

“The cycle of abuse is going to start with someone being extremely charming… that winning over phase… the love bombing… then all of the sudden things are going to start looking a little bit different,” Bebow said. “You’re going to start feeling like you’re walking on eggshells… then there goes that boom moment… where everything goes completely unplanned, whether it be acute outburst of verbal abuse all the way up to physical… then there’s that reconciliation phase… then it just repeats.”

Bebow noted that after the cycle repeats so many times — or when it hits the point of danger — is when TESSA finds most victims seek out escape.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and you are encouraged to wear purple on Oct. 19 to raise awareness. If you need help right now, call TESSA at (719) 633-1462.